For the past twenty years, two of the biggest challenges for my son Tyler and I have been dealing with depression and anxiety. After Tyler was diagnosed with a bleeding disorder, I was the one struggling. I’m assuming this is the case since babies seem pretty happy. Anxiety dominated my days. The fear of the unknown was overwhelming. I was a mess. This went on for years. Looking back, I know I was frequently depressed and stressed out. I wish I would have had the tools to chill out because later I realized my stress and reactions were causing Tyler to get anxious too. Children are like little sponges–they absorb the good, the bad and the ugly of your moods.
By the time Tyler hit his teenage years, there was a shift. He had had enough of all the infusions, hospitalizations, doctor appointments, and pain. He got very angry and resentful that, unlike his friends, he had to deal with so much. I’ve heard other people share their difficulties with young teens as well. I’m guessing puberty also plays a part. These were definitely the dark days for us. He wouldn’t talk to me; I seemed to be the enemy. It was so frustrating and upsetting because we had always been so close. Things had gotten so bad that I enlisted professional help and later medication for him. Of course, this made him angrier, but a mom has to do what a mom has to do. The medication helped. My sweet boy was back, and after a year and a half, he felt it was time to ween off the medication. I think this is the goal. A big misconception is that once you go on medication, you’re taking it for the rest of your life. This is not the case.
Anxiety has been a constant battle for both of us over the years. Tyler has taken medication at times when things have been particularly stressful. But again, not a permanent solution. Looking back, I think the most important things have been his friends and socializing at school. Peers are therapeutic, just as they are for parents. At times, Tyler’s health prohibited him from going to school and playing outside with his friends. Gaming has always been a useful tool for him to get that peer interaction, but nothing beats getting out of the house.
For anyone struggling and feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone. Everyone goes through it; the key is how you deal with it. There are amazing resources out there. Talk with your local association or get online and check out national bleeding disorder websites. Parents on social media are also good at sharing sources where you can get help. Just know that you are a part of a community who love and support you. Don’t be ashamed to reach out when you need a friend. It could be the best call you will ever make.
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